rant

was lookin at an ex's pluralkit intro thing in my server from like. Years ago. from before we even dated, actually.

image description: discord text reading "Likes: The color green, MCYT (Especially Technoblade), Pizza, Weed"

sighs so loud i die from my lungs collapsin in on themselves.

i dunno it's just interestin. it feels kinda like everyone i've ever dated has only really been interested in my source, for some reason. they dont actually really care about Me, the Completely Different Guy with Completely Different Experiences.

maybe i should just stop bein open about it at all, but that feels dishonest. it feels like im lyin by omittin that kinda integral part of my identity and personhood. but it's also just kinda interestin how every single person i've ever dated or even who has shown interest in specifically me has wanted me for traits that my fictional source possessed. people want me to be this strong, funny, intelligent protective guy, but i guess i just can't be that. i can't ever live up to that expectation and it really sucks. i wish people didn't expect that of me.

i dunno, that's not my Main Complaint with this person in particular, i dunno if this person even really Did that, this just kinda tripped my wire of the other people who have done that and i felt like ramblin about it lol. (This person Did just kinda. treat me like I was fictional entirely despite being in a system himself, which is debatably worse lmfao. could rant about that for a while.)