Oct 17 , 11:52 am - Honey

How are you supposed to feel when someone you didn’t know very well died? I’m sad, but I’m not sure how sad I’m supposed to be. He was nice to me. He was very old. I wonder why things happen to people. I wonder if I should have tried to be closer to him. Mostly in the sense that we will all die, so we only have a limited time to know each other. I have a hard time recognizing that people outside of me have deep thoughts and feelings and beliefs and loved ones. I think it makes me think about the people I have lost. That I will never get to know them. I’ll never really know anybody the way they do themselves. It’s difficult. I think writing my feelings with no expectation of an audience is my way of communicating the way I know myself. This space is my soliloquy. I want people to know me thoroughly. I wish I could know others. I wish they would spill their thoughts and feelings to me. I wish we were all a hivemind. I wish I knew my friends the way I know myself. Though it also feels like my knowledge of myself is limited….